It may have been discussed before but since I have some recent experience that made me wonder about it and want to be clear about this. Thank you.
Here is my experience. My parents were not speaking to each other more than 30 years (but never divorced) and my mother was often speaking ill of my father to me. But recently a lot of "miraculous" things happened. My mom got dementia and my father started to help her, then her heart barrier kind of melted and now they are like happily married old couple. I don't go into detail behind this story because I'm just bringing it up to better explain my question.
The things is, after my mother stopped badmouthing my father and actually became affectionate toward him, I realized my attitude toward women changed. It's subtle but I realized I had slight hostility toward them before. Now I don't have it and I believe it was released. The thing is I never realized I had this subtle hostility. I believe it was in my subconscious. It's kind of a thing that you notice you had after you no longer have it.
There must be many "subtle" feelings like this I don't realize I have and my question is how I can find them to release? I think I have become good at releasing AGFLAP when I know I have them. But when hidden in subconscious I don't know how I can deal with them.
Thank you Shai. I appreciate your sharing your personal story with me/us.
I think I understood what you mean, but to make sure I did so correctly, here is what I think now.
So I could keep releasing using my past life but now that I use a little "push," it's a case of wanting control itself (wanting to clean it up at once) and while it might still work to some extent or for some specific issues, it's best leave it here and use other stuff to release wanting control/approval. Then my AGFLAP regarding my past life and attachment to it can also resolve accordingly...Maybe if the issues/wants from my past life come up naturally (as they did this time), I could use them.
Let me know if there is anything to add or correct, thank you!
BTW when I was crying, I was feeling a lot of different emotions and saying a lot of things out loud too, but somehow I wasn't controlling them and there was "someone" watching the experience, thinking "Oh gosh, this poor guy is crying a lot..." I know it's just another thought (not like awareness), but it was a strange, yet distinctive experience.
You can but you don't have to....
each time you let go of wanting to cotrol (*anything) you let go of many units of AGFLAP even if you don't see it right away.
I will use a personal exmaple:
I was madly in love with a married woman who lived close to me. I released on wanting approval and to control it
then I felt stuck....so I said: Ok, and I left it alone
I kept releasing on other stuff I want to control and other people I want approval from - and then 5 weeks later: I saw that married woman again and I felt nothing (no attachemnt to her anymore).
The goal is to get to a place of "not wanting" - it doesn't matter if you want to control the moon or the traffic or you feelings or your thinking.
When you get to a place of "not wanting" the past and the feelings will just flow through you
freedom is not about releasing all your feelings it's releasing the attachment or the identification with them.
When we are told we are not our feelings we say: 'yea right...' but after you get A Lot of practice in releasing you start to see that the identification with the feelings creates the notion that we are the feelings.
Since we have been like this since birth it will take practice to undo this habit
Some things are hard to explain in words I hope this made sense
Crying is expression, which is one level below releasing. There is some releasing in expression, which is why when you re-visit it later it has less intensity, but there's also resistance. You express because you tried to resist what came up, probably unconsciously, but it was too much or it had too much momentum and it "left through your body".
Once the pressure decreases enough so you can resist and suppress it again, it normally stops through suppression or releasing, depending on what you decide to do.
Thanks for your reply. About crying being expression and one level below releasing, I have always thought crying was a form of releasing, but it's not ?(only some?) I have also read some articles or forum answers by releasing coaches(not here) that when you cry you are releasing so don't stop it and let it be or welcome it etc...
I am wondering about it because when I cried it was the single most effective releasing for me....there were things that were painful just to think of them and now after some good cries I can think of my past with much less emotional tensions. There are some remnants, but I had never felt this much lighter after a few sessions. I had been trying to release them with normal "drop it" or "welcoming it" and things had been better, but not this much. Your explanation of "there was resistance but it was too much and left through my body" makes sense but isn't it the same as welcoming? It feels like I had been releasing 1 unit or 2 units by welcoming/deciding to drop but with the crying 100 units went out altogether.
yea, you got it right
it's best leave it here and use other stuff to release wanting control/approval. Then my AGFLAP regarding my past life and attachment to it can also resolve accordingly...Maybe if the issues/wants from my past life come up naturally (as they did this time), I could use them.
Everyone has things that happen with certain big releases and the mind creates a cause and effect relationship. You now associate crying with bigger releasing and think it's the crying that matters, and what you should focus on. That is an effective way to distract ourselves from the simple and effective practice.
Unless you can cry with that level of emotional intensity any time you choose, then it's not something that is up to you whether or not it happens, and not something to give too much energy. However you CAN decide to welcome up your feelings and be with them right now, in this moment. If crying happens, or if it doesn't, you are still doing the most effective thing you can in this moment. "Should I / shouldn't I be crying, trying to cry etc." is a way of staying in your head interpreting experience rather than being fully with your experience.
"I have also read some articles or forum answers by releasing coaches(not here) that when you cry you are releasing so don't stop it and let it be or welcome it etc... "
There isn't ANYTHING that you shouldn't welcome, that you should try to stop.
I would strongly advise some breaks on reading and posting on the internet and give yourself long periods of time that are just dedicated to self discovery.
""there was resistance but it was too much and left through my body" makes sense but isn't it the same as welcoming?"
Expression means the energy is not being released - because it is being resisted, not welcomed - and it has to be released through your body. So, there is releasing through explosion.
But it doesn't release everything, just enough to stop crying and your resistance now can keep the rest down. If you are going to continue releasing without the crying is up to you.
If you want to know why crying is not welcoming, you have to pay attention to how you feel when you are doing each one and compare. Welcoming is expansion, crying is normally something that happens in contractions and explosions. But you can decide to welcome while crying.
Thank you everyone for your replies :)
"I would strongly advise some breaks on reading and posting on the internet and give yourself long periods of time that are just dedicated to self discovery."
Yes probably I should take this advise. Just want to have you know though, I have done so late last year to earlier this year for about 3-4 months. During that time I dedicated most of my free time to self discovery and I mostly meditated and also did releasing (no internet reading/posting for "spiritual" questions during this time either).
However I got very confused and felt doing it alone in the dark and I started to ask questions here. It did clear up a lot of questions I had about releasing and it's working a lot faster than before (I think because I do releasing without much hesitation now thanks to some clarifications), and it may be time to go back to the alone time.
That's great, I should clarify though, there is no reason to go it alone.
Working with community is super valuable, working with coaches, etc. but that happens in live calls and interactions and working together, with text discussions being in my opinion a supplement to that. Hootless.com is a great place to meet people to partner release. I met a friend on here and we would partner release for hours.
There is only much to gain by working with others- but there is a huge difference between working with others via partner releases, calls etc (many free ones, center for releasing, release tech support calls, there are people that offer free coaching) vs. reading lots of answers from others and getting into a habit of posting every mind-concern that arises from releasing, even though it involves feedback from others of sorts it is actually a very isolated and going-alone type of approach, when sometimes five minutes on a good call will make everything make a lot more sense, cause it's easier to connect to the energy. It's kind of like trying to read about the experience of being at a concert or something vs. going to one. But even if it's just a text or forum format, I've found that if someone says something that gives me a really great insight or improvement to my practice, I need to sit with it for a good long period of time for it to really integrate. When I would ask a lot of questions I thought I was being a good student about it but it was just really slowing my progress.