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Enigma of wanting - do we release wants so that we actually get what we want?

Hi,
I understand that in the Sedona method/releasing, "wants" means lack and we release it. But it is often explained that "we release wants so that we can actually get/have it" and it is apparently very contradictory. For example, in the Sedona method book Hale talks about the guy who couldn't find something but then used the method and released wanting to find it then he actually found it. But he wouldn't have used the method if he really hadn't cared about finding it. The same idea applies to goal setting etc.

If you actually don't care about something, you don't really get it even when you are "imperturbable" about it (except by accident). For example, I am happy with my car even though it is old and not super nice. I don't "want" a newer or nicer car. So in a way I am "imperturbable" about it. But it does not mean I will get a newer and nicer car. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? To get a newer. nicer car, it seems like I should first "want" it then let go the want.

It's a bit confusing to say the least. It seems like you actually first have to "want" something and then release the want so that you can actually get/have it.

I read somewhere it is not really a "want" but an intention. For example, you could say when you are away from home and decide to go home, you have an intention of going home but it's not a "want." But to me it is just playing with words....you do want to go home otherwise you wouldn't intend to go home....or is it actually a matter of wording?

Any thoughts or input would be appreciated.

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Hi Evan,

First of all let me thank you again for your advice and time you took for it.
I greatly appreciate it. It's sometimes hard to explain what I feel by words, and my words are sometimes not accurate but despite of that your advice has been accurate and helpful (so are Shai's and Mario's too). The only "regret(for want of a better word)" I have about this "wanting" thread (pun intended!) is that I might have given the impression that I am theorizing it all the time or thinking too much. I actually only do so after reading a post, or, occasionally. But I know when my posts pop up often it doesn't look that way :p   

The "realization" I had was not really because of your advice so to speak. I meant to say I realized I always had this fear and your words made me possible to verbalize it. About 4-5 years ago, I experienced a lot including divorce (including separation from beloved dogs as part of family), death and sickness of my family members, business failures and so on in a very short period of time. Even though I somehow kept functioning in this world, I suffered a lot and did some soul searching. After many self-help books and videos and exercises, I found the idea of releasing and the Sedona method about a year ago and then my life started to get better. I was also helped by some other ideas based on releasing. "Let go and let God" became my motto. However I have never been able to "(let) go all the way" and have been wondering why (not that I've been wondering about it all the time, but it's been there somewhere).

After reading your answer(s), I kind of "got" the answer for it and realized that the reason for this was because I wasn't really trusting "God" enough to let go of everything. In other words, I have been releasing and my life is getting better, but somehow in my head it always has been "conditional." Not because of the recent discussion or your advice, Evan, but it seems it has been that way. 

That's the mind talking and freedom can't be understood by the mind.

Don't let everything go release what you can. I don't think anyone here let everything go yet -:)

Teru said:

OK, so I realized something. I'm actually afraid of letting go everything because I'm afraid of "determinism."

Hi Shai,
Yeah seems like it is exactly what I need to do!
I guess I took Lester's words "why not go all the way now?" too seriously :)


Shai said:

That's the mind talking and freedom can't be understood by the mind.

Don't let everything go release what you can. I don't think anyone here let everything go yet -:)

Teru said:

OK, so I realized something. I'm actually afraid of letting go everything because I'm afraid of "determinism."

Hi Teru-

Behind all of that, before there is any verbalization of it, there is just a raw feeling.

It could be a tension or something you would describe as fear.

It is part of human nature, and an automatic mechanism of the mind (scientifically verifiable, not a spiritual idea) to construct a story about what information it has in front of it.

It needs to know why this fear is there, and feels a little better when it gets a satisfying story about it.

But it never really addresses the actual feeling underneath it, so it seeks for more clarity.

So now we have a story of conditional wanting, what will happen if x, y, or z.

This is not a problem, the mind WILL do this

The single determining factor in our progress is whether we indulge in that fascination, and really believe it to be more than a story. When we believe emotional resolution lies in solving the enigmas and having a perfect model.

So the realization itself is fine, but in that moment is an opportunity to go deeper into the feeling itself.

Recognizing the feeling that is there and practicing to fully welcome that fear, listening to it with total love and attention, welcoming everything including the parts of you that resist it, this is a visceral practice.

Or we can take it to "so i've realized this, what do I do about it, this is a special scenario that must require different tools" then we are in a theoretical direction.

The accuracy or the wording of the realization is not a problem, the realization is not a problem :) It is where we go with it. An example would be "I have this fear around determinism, what if I'm doomed to an ill fate? What if even determinism is just a concept? So I did my best to sit with that feeling of fear and welcome and accept it, I noticed tension in my shoulders and clutching feelings, as I began to give them more space, some crazy thoughts and visuals were coming up" etc. for me this is what I distinguish between what I would call feeding someone's theory vs. practice.

If it looks like it is just resulting in more mind questions I stop engaging, not to be dismissive but because I find these formats can hurt as much as they help, and I do run a few calls and groups like this one which is why I have what you might call a "policy" of sorts about it in the first place! Hope that helps in some way or at least shows where the last post was coming from.

Hi Evan,

Thank you for clearing it up and actually it is much clear to me what you meant in your last post.
I didn't feel your post as "dismissive" per se, but I wasn't 100% clear if I was able to convey what I experienced or how/what I felt.   

"we can take it to "so i've realized this, what do I do about it, this is a special scenario that must require different tools" then we are in a theoretical direction.

I didn't mean to ask this consciously but I admit unconsciously I may have been asking "what do I do about it (now)" - I actually kept releasing and I still do (releasing became the first thing I did whenever I feel a feeling now, even something positive), but when some scary feeling comes up (or something), I feel I want some help or encouragement, saying something like "yes, a lot of people experience this...you should just keep going and you should be fine.."  If there is no one or nothing to "turn to," I actually usually go back to releasing (at least eventually)..but I know you didn't know that and it was not clear what exactly I wanted by posting what I posted. 

So your last post(you just posted) is helping me a lot and also is Shai's reply (just pushed me to release what I can now) :) What you said about "just a raw feeling underneath it (could be described as fear)" is hitting the nail on the head.     

Thank you again.

Here is a great example of taking a question like determinism, from the philosophical level of our minds that wants to make it something graspable, to a deep place of self inquiry and recognizing what is beyond these concepts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBo5NlRiaJs

Thank you for the link. I loled when Mooji said "When you are free you can say whatever you want to say!" or something to that effect :)

Evan said:

Here is a great example of taking a question like determinism, from the philosophical level of our minds that wants to make it something graspable, to a deep place of self inquiry and recognizing what is beyond these concepts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBo5NlRiaJs

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